I tried calling you and couldn’t bring myself to leave a message. And to tell you the truth, I’m afraid to call and hear the pain in your voice, the sorrow I cannot fathom and am too weak to think about.
Your beautiful second born daughter, my Aunt Cheri, has been gone for a month. It’s still hard for me to believe. She wasn’t a part of my daily life…but she wasn’t a hole, either. Now that she’s gone I feel the loss deeply. I didn’t expect that.
She died in the middle of summer.
Other people’s gardens have been overflowing their bounty into my kitchen this summer…squash, peppers, and tomatoes mostly, for which I’m very grateful. But the tomatoes make me think of my Aunt Cheri…because the most intimate tidbit I knew about her was that she hated tomato seeds. I never understood that, because I love them, but I always remembered it. So I have been reminded of her every day in my kitchen, and I can’t think about her without thinking about you, too.
How to capture a life? I take pictures and write about my boys, and occasionally I’ll pull the video camera out. But as hard as I try, life is still a passing breath and my efforts are pushing my mind back to the knowledge that all is God’s. He seeks what has passed by. I relinquish the right to keep the past.
But to the future? I dread the thought of living through what you are living through right now. Yet I know that you have the comfort of the hope of glory, and that is true comfort.
Mama told me she would show this to you. I’m glad she’s there so close to you. I want to come see you and bring my Ian to meet you soon. But for now, here’s my love, my thoughts, and my prayers. ~Always.~
